woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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