Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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