I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
