I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
