..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she told me i tasted like america
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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