Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
