she looked like the before picture.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
