So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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