Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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