Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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