just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
