So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
