I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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