11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
