I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
