he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
