Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
