my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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