I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
