your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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