i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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