You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
