Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
