Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
