So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
