I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
