No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
