she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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