Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
