I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
