I want to walk on stilts...naked
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
