Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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