Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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