just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
