There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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