cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
