It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
