wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
