O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
