I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
