oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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