I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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