omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
