T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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