nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
