You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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