Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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