What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
