Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
