You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
