I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize