the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
