dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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