Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize