I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
