My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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