so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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