I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
