i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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