Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
